Hey everyone, it’s been a while! As usual I have been struggling with my health but I wanted to make a post here about having spiritual reminders, even in the darkest times… no, especially in the darkest times.
April was a pretty low month for me. I have had debilitating depression since the early months of this year and late April I also caught a particularly nasty cold. I spent most of my time in bed, playing video games or doing whatever I could to make the days go faster so that I could just be well again. I’m finally at the stage where I feel okay enough to at least type in a manner that makes sense instead of gibberish.
Throughout the month I had a lot of very vivid dreams after a period of seemingly nothing. These dreams were largely about my dead relatives and my old home in Wales. I tend to dream that my nana and grandad are with my family and that I’m either the only one who knows they are dead, or everyone else is pretending that it’s fine that they are walking and talking amongst us living. In one dream I remember telling nana that I know she died because I remember being at her funeral to which she gave me a knowing glance, while the rest of my family thought I was talking nonsense. I do feel that these are certainly more than just dreams. I’ve had many instances in the past where my relatives have given me messages to pass on to my living family or given me warnings or premonitions about things. I know they are around, I just wish they were still in this realm.
Some of the other dreams involved Inari-Okami and being at a shrine, in Japan or even with Shinto friends. These dreams were calm and spiritual, inspiring me to try to heal faster and get out of my rut. I remember a particular dream in which I was in a woodland clearing with fox spirits around me, the sunbeams filtering through the leaves and dancing on my skin. The air had that thick, pollen-filled spring scent and the breeze was cool. I remember feeling so at peace that I wish it would never end. Of course it did end and I woke up back into my virus-riddled body.
I definately have more spiritual and vivid dreams when I am ill or depressed and I have often wondered why. I think maybe it’s Spirit reaching out to me in an attempt to bring me back into the present, a form of healing.
Last night as I was laying awake in bed because of a sinus headache, I started to get words and phrases put into my head in much the same way I do when I am reading tarot or communicating with Inari-Okami. The ‘voice’ reminded me that in order to bring things into my present, I need to prepare for them and act as if they are a certainty. I guess this kind of idea is associated with manifestation and such, as popularised in media such as ‘The Secret’.
We’ve been wanting to move out this year but so far have made no effort to even get started. The voice urged me to start decluttering and essentially pack in preparation so that the Universe knows I am ready to move on, thus bringing a good place to live closer to me. This suggestion felt like sudden clarity in the middle of a time where I have been mostly closed to any spiritual contact due to my illnesses. If I was healthier, it’s normally something I would have thought about anyway and so I welcomed the idea.
It continues to amaze me that even when I feel completely enveloped in darkness and despair, Spirit can get through to me in one way or another. It renews my faith each and every time and gives me a reason to continue on with my practices and my studies.
I hope that this post makes sense. It’s been a while since I’ve written much and you can probably tell that I’m rusty! Hopefully this is the start of the clearing of the fog and the clouds.